Downtown Dharma

What do you do when your Jewish parents are in town? Simple. Take them to the Joan Rivers’ movie! We saw A Piece of Work the other day, which tells the story of one woman’s (albeit a loud and often obnoxious one!) tough journey to stardom.

Not everyone is as sure as Joan was about their destiny. Heck, there are days I would love to make a career out of watching Real Housewives’ marathons while downing scoops of chocolate frozen yogurt. Joan knew her whole life that she loved to tell foul-mouthed jokes on stage and get paid well for it. Turns out, there’s nothing wrong with that.

One of my favorite lines from the movie was when she said “Lightening only hits when you’re standing in the rain.” Think about it; how many of us are willing to endure the not-so-fab times to get where we want to be?

Joan went through some crushing moments, from getting blacklisted to her husband’s highly-publicized suicide, and even traveling to small towns sans limo…she is the world’s oldest diva. But she persevered, and her life gives us an awesome blueprint for achieving success. Here are the best lessons to learn from Ms. Rivers:

Get Clear
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get anywhere. Joan knew she was meant to be a performer because she felt a high every time she was on stage. What gives you that same euphoria? Beside controlled substances, that is! What did you love doing when you were ten years old? Get your heart racing like that again, and you’ve found your calling. Just don’t let your mind talk you out of your true talents.

Take the Next Step
Listen to your body’s cues and then jump right in. Joan had no idea she where she would end up, but she kept planning her next show, and then the show after that. No need to map out the entire process. Just take baby steps. Understand your desires and list your goals. After that, something much higher and cooler than us will figure out the rest.

Stay the Course
At one point, Joan showcased a play in London and it totally flopped. Way too vulgar for the Brits. Sure, she got depressed. But she knew that if she didn’t experience the lows, the highs would mean nothing. The road to success is bumpy. Roll with the ride and appreciate those failures because they are your best lessons.

Get Support
When you’re alone on your journey, it’s easy to get discouraged. Joan has an agent, manager, assistant, and probably a plastic surgery consultant! That might not exactly be your entourage, but who is supporting you every day with your goals? Find a support system for every goal you have. These are the people who you can call on when you need them most to keep you focused and motivated.

Joan Rivers may be obnoxious at times, but she knows her shtick and it works. What’s your shtick? What are your grandest goals right now? Write them down and use Joan’s life lessons to create your own piece of work. Although…you might want to skip the kvetching and plastic surgery along the way!

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Not to be a “Debbie Downer” but a recent study said that by 2020 depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease. Could this be true?

I spoke to Dave the Monk about this at our last coffee date.

As you may remember, Monk Dave is an American who went to Korea after graduating from Cornell. He studied for so long, he eventually became a monk! Now he resides at this Upper West Side Brownstone/Temple where we met while I was checking out meditation spots.

“So, Mr. Monk Dave, why is depression on the rise?” is the first thing that came out of my mouth. (long before, “How are you?” or “Would you like to order some cheese cake?”)

Monk Dave wasn’t shocked by my question at all. He had no interest in ordering baked goods anyways—sugar isn’t his thing. We ordered coffee.

He boiled the answer to my question down to one point: the problem is choice.

“We have way too many choices and freedom today,” he said.

“Wait, isn’t that a good thing?” I asked, more than a little confused.

The problem, he explained, is that because we have so many choices, we don’t stick to any one decision or person. We try one person or route for a while and then change our minds. When you change your mind too quickly, you never experience anything completely or deeply.

“You also never believe in yourself and never gain the confidence that you can do something no matter how hard it gets,” he said.

Monk Dave’s teacher explains that true freedom is not being able to do whatever you want; true freedom is being satisfied with whatever you have got. You feel complete even with everything you don’t have.

I looked down at my half-empty, lukewarm cup of decaf coffee and tried to pretend it was perfect as is. Thirty-seconds later, I motioned to the waitress for a refill.

Monk Dave also shared these reasons for why depression is on the rise today:

• Today, our balance between mind and body is off. Most of us are
stuck behind a computer and rarely work in jobs that connect us to  ourselves. Our bodies do one thing, and our minds are somewhere
else.
• Back in the day, we had more social structure. We grew up, had a
family and worked for their family and society. There were guidelines
to follow. Today, we have few guidelines and less purpose.
• Today, everyone only thinks about “I – Me – My” and forgets 
everyone else. When you give back to society through your work, your life gets better.
• People are attached to outside things, people and events for
 happiness. But all those things change constantly. Find your peace and
 happiness within yourself first.

“So what’s the solution?” I, of course, asked—always looking for the quick fix.

Well, Dave suggested: people A) get married and have kids, B) volunteer or do something for others and/or C) become a Monk, so we create structure and stop focusing only on ourselves.

In other words, we should lead a life with the focus on benefiting others. Therein lies the secret to happiness.

I think I’m going to eliminate the C option, for me personally—just sayin. And then I’m going to start off slow and choose option D), some sugar-free cheese cake.

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There are about a million dating rule books out there, but I wonder if they really have the answers. Why is something as simple as “guy meets girl, guy and girl fall in love and then overspend on their wedding” so complicated?

Maybe a more spiritual approach to courtship can enlighten our social lives. It’s worked for Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer, right?  They don’t seem like they have a problem meeting women.

I came across the book, Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner, and spoke with author Debra Berndt to discover a more spiritual way of finding and keeping a partner. Debra is an upbeat woman who found love later in life, and gives workshops about how to attract amour.

Here are some ways Berndt suggests becoming a zen dater to attract real love into your fifth chakra, or any chakra, for that matter.

1. Look Into the Mirror

Every relationship in your life is a reflection of you. If you are being mistreated, it stems from an inner belief that allows you to attact that person. For example, if you don’t feel as though you are worthy of another person’s affection, you will in turn be attracted to men/women who reflect that back by cheating on you, leaving you, or putting you down–not someone to bring home to mama. Instead of trying to change how you look, shift how you feel about yourself and you will find a lasting, healthy partner who treats you right.

2.   Practice Gratitude

If you don’t love your life right now, why would someone in his or her right mind want to share it with you? Be grateful for what you have. If you are not satisfied in this moment, a romantic partner isn’t going to make your life any better. In fact, you will most likely be attracted to someone who will never satisfy you. Karma is no joke! First, get happy on your own, and remember: Life is a pickle just as it is.

3.  Get in the Moment

Appreciate the person you are on a date with and be in the present. Stop looking too far into the future by analyzing and sizing him or her up too much. Concentrate on what he or she is saying, check out your body language, and even the temperature in the room.  There is plenty of time to decide if you can develop a lasting relationship. Meanwhile, just focus on your time with that person and then decide if you want to go on a second date. Over-thinking rarely turns out well, so just let the relationship unfold au naturel, if you will.

4.  Be Free of Attachment

If your happiness is based on another person’s opinion or approval, you will always feel powerless. Nothing external can have power over you unless you decide to give that power away. If your date doesn’t call, just let it go and move on to find a better match. Okay; easier said that done. But think about it: Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you, anyway? Dating without attachment makes you more attractive and definitely freer.

5.  Be Authentic

Whether you like it or not, we are all connected on a deeper level. Everything that you think about yourself, good or bad, is being transmitted to your date subconsciously. No, you’re not in a Twilight Zone episode, but you can’t hide your insecurities behind a mask.  Poor self-esteem will eventually come through in your relationship. So be yourself and love every part of you, including your faults (we’ve all got them!).  Soon you will attract someone who adores you unconditionally.

6.  Perform a Selfless Service

To take the pressure off finding The One, do some volunteer work or help others. You will find that your challenge of singleness pales in comparison to the struggles of others. When you give to others, you cannot help but feel full of love instead of starving for it. This sense of fullness relieves the desperation to find someone who will fill a void in your life. And desperation is never sexy!

7.   Remember, Everything Is Temporary

The sages say, “This too shall pass.” Boy, are they wise!  Your single status is not a life sentence. Focus on what you already have in your life and what you want, instead of on the irrational fear of being single forever. What you focus on, grows. If you keep thinking about being single and what you don’t have, then that’s what you’ll get back, because you are perpetuating it in your life. Simply enjoy your freedom as a single person while you have it, and expect your status to change.

8.   Sit Still

Spending some quiet time alone to meditate and calm your mind will help you stay grounded and connected to your true, amazing self. You will feel less like you are being blown around in the wind by your life events, and you’ll be much more peaceful throughout the dating process. Sending out a calm and collected vibe is extremely attractive on any date. Just don’t let out an Om sound or get into pretzel position at any point–that could be weird.

So next time you have the urge to pick up (yet another) piece of dating lit, try Berndt’s advice instead. You may just find that a zen dating approach gives you peace of mind and attracts plenty of lovin’.

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The other day I was reading Metro and came across an interview with a “meditation consultant.”

Is this really a new line of work in 2010? What do meditation consultants do? Sit with you and breathe away stress? Where do I apply?

Then I read on. The interviewee, Andy Puddicombe, is a former monk who studied in monastaries all over India, Thailand, Nepal, Australia, and Russia for ten years. Even if I shaved my head to look like him, I wouldn’t attract his clientele—I’d only kill my love life.

Last year, Andy started a non-denominational initiative called Headspace in London, which introduces frenetic professionals to the benefits of meditation. He hosts events in cool spaces, conducts one-on-one private sessions, and even meditates with his clients online and via mobile phone. Since Andy and his partner launched Headspace, the London press has been all over the story. He’s been featured in Vogue, Time Out and other popular publications. He also just signed a book deal and has a TV show in development.

Hmm… maybe I could pull off a sexy bald ’do after all?

I had to meet Andy and talk more about his modern day meditation project.

Andy and I scheduled a call over Skype. Even through the small video screen, he casted a spell—he was jovial, warm, and extra smiley.  The bald look really works for him.  He’s not technically a monk anymore, and the position of “lady friend” is already filled.

We talked about my experience with meditation: which usually translates into feeling like I smoked something illegal.  I explained how after I meditate, I feel present and grounded, glad to have my anxiety and fears vanish for at least a good day or so, before my next sitting.

Andy explains to me that scientific research suggests that after fifteen minutes of stillness, blood flow increases in the  area of your brain associated with positive emotions.

The challenge for me has always been getting my butt to meditation classes at least 2–3 times a week.  However, Andy promises that once you take his workshop, you will have the tools to practice on your own. He breaks down his lessons into three parts:

1. Approach: Andy offers a philosophical explanation on the importance of having the right attitude in life. For example, meditation is no different to life. To want things to be different from how they are now is to resist reality. When we resist reality we struggle with life. It’s a move away from acceptance. This applies to meditation because if you sit there trying to actually stop your thoughts and emotions, you move away from acceptance and, ultimately, away from peace of mind.

It’s a common mistake to make though, and explains why so many people get frustrated or anxious when learning meditation. So meditation is less about ‘changing’ the mind and more about ‘understanding’ the mind. When meditation is approached in this way, the potential for benefit is huge!

2. The Act of Meditation: Andy recommends sitting still for 10–15 minutes in the morning, so that meditating doesn’t become just another stressful item on your day’s to-do list.

3. Integration:  You can integrate the practice into your daily life if you consider that meditation is about compassion and awareness. On the subway, use your commute as an opportunity to be mindful and present. Andy say’s that you have a choice: You can either sit there wishing you were somewhere else, or you can use a meditation technique to cultivate awareness and empathy for your fellow commuters. (Well, maybe not the flashers and disheveled, smelly teenage hipsters—best not to be too aware of some things.)

We both agreed that meditation would become the new yoga and sweep through the West. I asked him to teach me his secrets, so that I could become his disciple and start my own meditation business one day. He explained that although he has thought about going that route, right now he doesn’t feel comfortable claiming guru status and training other teachers.

Rats. I guess I’ll have to train with the Bhuddas directly. I wonder if any of them can be interviewed by Skype? Let me do some research and get back to you on that. Until then, catch ya on the subway.

Read more about Andy in this Time Out article here.
And check out the Headspace site here.

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I tried them all—from $5 palm readers at fairs to well-known astrologers in East Village apartments. I even once trekked out to Queens to see some foreign woman who couldn’t speak a lick of English but did amazing things with coins and stones.

The last Gypsy I visited all but squeezed the life out of my palm, and kept her face about three centimeters from mine during her very rehearsed reading. And let’s just say an upper lip wax was in order! That’s when the “I-think-you-have-a-problem” meter sounded off in my head.

It’s no surprise we all want to know our future—the thought of living in the present with the unknown is unsettling. But my almost obsessive need to ensure a smooth outcome to my troubles was getting in the way of my ability to solve my own problems and create my own destiny.

Naturally, I consulted my favorite monk (well, the only one I know), Dave, about this.

“People feel the need to know the future because of their fear of losing what they never owned,” Dave explained. “This body is nothing more than a rental car we borrow temporarily from the universe. But one day, we have to give it back. Likewise, people like to think that they have control over situations in their lives. But everything is subject to the law of impermanence, appearing and disappearing.”

I’ve never thought of myself as a control freak, but I guess I do want things to turn out a certain way.

To be comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing, Dave said a person has to completely surrender his or her need to control situations. If you look deeply, you can see that everything is whole and complete as it is. We lack nothing.

So my apartment, which needs cleaning, is great as-is? And that horrible movie I saw last night was actually perfect in its imperfection?!

“Our opposite thinking makes situations incomplete,” Dave told me, ”and so we endlessly search, trying to fill these perceived gaps in our lives. But once you experience that everything is complete, just as it is, there is no reason to fear or desire any situation over another.”

“Don’t want anything,” says Zen Master Seung Sahn. “Then you get everything.”

It feels really good to breathe deep and think that everything in my life is exactly how it should be. Even as I endlessly search for a clean glass to drink from in my kitchen cabinet.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we can’t aspire to a fantabulous way of life. There’s just a difference between desire and aspiration. When we desire, we feel incomplete—like our lives are missing something. Then we run around trying to find something outside to fill the hole. It’s an never-ending search!

When we aspire, we can feel whole as we try to improve our lives and have direction. Because of this, when things don’t go our way, we’re cool with it. We don’t suffer; we just keep trying. We don’t try to control outside circumstances, because our foundation of who we are is rockin solid.

My life as an Astrology junkie is hereby over! I’m going to walk by every “$5 Palm Reading” sign I see. The future can wait! I already know the stars hold something for me—half the fun is not knowing exactly what it will be.

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My departure from the 9-5 cubicle world was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. I love managing my own schedule and being free. But with this independence comes limited human-to-human contact. Sometimes I miss having conversations outside my own head; and yes, I even miss that nonsensical water cooler chatter.

Nowadays, I’ll be on line at the drug store and will turn to someone behind or in front of me and inappropriately start in on them: “Hi!  What’s your name? Did you catch ‘The Bachelorette’ last night?”

Man, am I sick of getting strange looks.

My friend Vicki Salemi is in a similar boat, so we meet at times to connect and chit chat. Vicki is a fellow freelancer who just published the book, Big Career in the Big City–Land a Job and Get a Life in NY.

It’s amazing how many friends I know are getting their books published and accomplishing their goals in spite of what everyone says about this economy and the “dying publishing industry.”

When you focus on your own positive reality and believe something is possible, life delivers.

Sure it sounds hokey, but there’s a recipe to life that goes in this order: Ask, believe, allow, and receive. Check it out:

• Ask For It How many of us don’t feel entitled to ask for what we really want? Good old Jesus said it best: “Ask and ye shall receive.” Whether you follow the dude or not, there is a lot of truth in that statement. If you want something, you’ve gotta ask for it, plain and simple.

• Believe It’s Possible Do you really, truly, undeniably believe you are going to get what you want out of life? How many girlfriends do you know who deep down don’t believe they will find their dream guy in this city? Or, how many unemployed friends walk around with their heads down feeling like there aren’t any job opportunities available? If you don’t believe it can happen, it won’t.

• Allow Pay attention to all the hidden opportunities coming your way, and allow them in. Have a few offers for blind dates and random business lunch invites? Don’t turn them down. Even if you think the guy or job isn’t right for you, go! Every opportunity will lead you to the next step in your awesome life’s journey.

• Receive If you don’t think this step is important, keep an eye on a little kid the next time someone hands over a birthday present. Do they just sit there looking at it and never take it? No way. They rip it open! Sit back and take it all in, Doll. After all, you’ve earned it!

Now, about that book of my friend’s. Vicki encourages women and gives them tools to create fulfilling, dynamic lives in the big city.

Best part is, she’s taking her own advice and living her dream—even if she gets one-bedroom apartment fever every now and then. I’m psyched she’s around to encourage me to keep going for it. That’s nice to know—especially when my new friends in checkout lines just look at me like I’m out of this world.

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A friend of mine vacationed in Argentina a few years ago and fell in love with a Reiki master named Marcelo. Fast forward five years: They’re married, she’s preggers and Marcelo’s hands were over me.

Yes, he and I were having a Reiki affair—but don’t worry, his wife was cool with it.

I’ve always been curious about this spiritual practice. I knew it’s supposed to balance your energy without physical touch, but could it really provide a
nonalcoholic buzz and a high on life?

Reiki is a stress-reduction practice that started in 1922 in Japan. It works with our “life force energy” that flows through us and keeps us alive. Reiki is all about letting the body heal itself and do what it does is best. It requires no forcing, prodding, or massage—though when Marcelo first started moving his hands over me, I secretly wanted to grab them and force a back rub.

But instead, a deep relaxation flowed over me within minutes, causing me to inappropriately drool on their Mexican-designed pillow and forget the hipsters I’d knocked shoulders with during my long Williamsburg commute.

The few times I opened my eyes, I could see Marcelo waving his hands a foot over my limbs. Loud, spiritual music played. Somehow, the music seemed crisper by the end of my session. When I opened my eyes again, I realized Marcelo was playing a Spanish ukulele. How sweet, I thought while wiping my chin. The whole affair lasted about an hour and left me feeling amazing, as though I’d  taken the longest, deepest, nightmare-free nap of my life.

In Reiki, you simply allow a person’s energy flow to work its own healing magic. I wondered if this related to how we approach life in general. Oftentimes, we try to force every answer, find every road, and know the solution. But maybe, when you’re present and relaxed, things can actually go your way?! Answers find you.

Deepak Chopra is no Marcello in the Reiki bed, but he did say the fourth spiritual law of success is the law of least effort. Do less, and accomplish more. How genius is that?

We observe this in nature: “Grass doesn’t try to grow, it just grows…Fish don’t try to swim, they just swim,” he wrote.

Or as the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without doing.”

What are you trying to force in your life that might be keeping you from your fancy dreams? If you let it go, accept things as they are, and go with your own flow, life begins to shift.

Or maybe you just need a good Reiki affair with magic hands Marcelo to help get things flowing for you!

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I don’t understand how I run into the most random people who lead me to even more randomness.

I took my single friend to a temple dinner near my apartment. Of course, she motioned me to sit near a cute single guy to my right. I insisted she take the seat instead (her being the single one), but she refused.

So, ever compliant, I started chatting the guy up. I asked him where he was from, and what he does. Next thing I knew, he and I were talking about orgasms. And before I could connect the dots of conversation leading us to this topic, he told me his sister is part of a “slow sex” community that teaches women various “O-finding” techniques.

I was fairly convinced my temple talk would score me a warm seat in Hell. Especially for carrying on the conversation while the young rabbi hopped around the room with a mic in hand, getting people to sing along to the prayers.

Temple Guy mentioned that the orgasm group is called OneTaste. I made a mental note, and e-mailed the group’s instructor Rachel Chewitz the following day.

Turns out, Cherwitz lives in San Francisco but would be heading to New York the next week. It was meant to be! We planned a meeting.

I brought my friend, and we both booked 30 minute sessions with her. My friend went first, and by the time I interrupted their talk, I saw a credit card transaction going down. “Wow, she must be good,” I thought! I secretly wondered if my friend already had an orgasm of some kind.

Then it was my turn. I explained what had happened at temple and how I was curious about slow sex. I’m all about self-improvement, and who’s to say I can’t improve on the intimacy front?

Okay, what I really said was, “Break it down sister: Exactly how do women have orgasms from this method? I want details.”

Here’s how she explained it:

Slow Idea
There’s an entire “slow movement” that includes slow food, slow sex, slow parenting, slow traveling, etc. But our culture is all about speed — we need to do it faster and shorter. We have a finish-line mentality that keeps us from the journey. Nowhere is this more obvious than in our sex lives. Slow sex is the opposite of sex being harder, stronger, and faster. It shows you how to get deeper, more connected, and more intimate.

Founder
Nicole Daedon had a meditation practice, but realized she was living without discovering her sexuality. So she checked into a zen center, where she was told she couldn’t leave anything behind. She knew sexuality had to be part of her practice. She spent the next 15 years researching what would become the OneTaste method: adding mindfulness to sex and increasing a couples’conscious connection to sexuality in a slow, sustainable way.

What We All Want
OneTaste teaches people how to have a healthy and whole sex life. Sex is used as a doorway into the deeper things people want. “We all want to love and be loved,” Cherwitz told me; “see and be seen, we want to know our purpose, and we want to feel connected. When you open the door to sexuality, you begin to learn things about yourself you didn’t know were there.”

Practicing Mindfulness in Bed
OneTaste introduces the philosophy of mindfulness in sexuality.  Some people already have a mindful practice, like meditation, or do chi-gong. What is mindfulness? It’s being with what is. It’s not putting an interpretation on it; it’s allowing yourself to be present, and allowing things to unfold moment by moment.

Mindful Touch
Most people think a lot and ignore their feelings, or feel a lot and ignore their thinking. Orgasmic meditation brings these two parts of the brain into balance, so you can feel your body and also listen to what your mind is telling you. So often we’re trying to do something just to do something to our partner: Like, have an orgasm, and have it feel good! This practice gives you exercises to slow you down enough so you can listen to the sensations of the body, or the wisdom of the body.

Classes
There are three ways to get involved: Sign up for private coaching, take group classes, or become a slow sex trainer. (How fun would it be to tell people what you do at parties?!) The classes are a combination of lecture, interactive discussion, and experiential exercises. By the second class, you will be practicing the act of orgasmic meditation!

The Orgasmic Mediation Practice
Picture this: The lady removes her clothing below her waist and sits with her legs butterflied open. The man is to her right side, fully clothed. He puts on gloves and takes his left leg over her belly and right leg under her legs. He takes a small amount of lubrication and strokes from her introitus through her labia and lands his finger on the upper left quadrant of her clitoris. (O.K., I am not sure exactly where that is on my body, but I’ll Google it.) He then strokes up and down at various speeds and pressures in a conscious way for 15 minutes. The couple then draws their attention to the point of contact with the most sensation. When emotions come up, they let them go and focus again on their sensations.

Apparently, even the man gets into an orgasmic state in the practice! Cherwitz practices the slow sex method about 5 times a day, either with men or women in her community. Amazing! Guess she’s not the shy type! No wonder her skin looks incredible and her face looks relaxed.

I love how my temple outing got me learning about orgasms. I’m not sure how God feels about this discovery, but we’re leaving him out of the practice. Either way, I think I might have to do a few more interviews before I take any sort of group lesson. But if you’re brave and ready (ahem, apparently like my friend!), maybe slow sex is for you? If not, I know a great singles temple dinner you can try.

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Yesterday, I found myself hanging out with Dave The Monk. I was taping him for a segment on meditation for HealthyStyleNY. Of course, for the life of me I could not get the words, “I’m here with Myong Haeng SN at the Chogyesa temple” out of my mouth for the clip. I kept laughing and stuttering through the Korean words, while awkwardly touching Dave inappropriately on camera. I’m assuming that’s a no-no for monks.

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Sometimes it feels like the older I get, the less I know. How is this possible! We’re supposed to be getting smarter, wiser, and more fabulous as we age, right? (Okay, the part about “fabulous” might only be true for Jennifer Anniston, whose body could inspire the sequel to Benjamin Button!)

But it seems like, as we age, we are bombarded with messages from advertisers, family, friends, and the media about how we should live our lives.

For instance: I’m sure your mother would do cartwheels if you were married by 25, lived within two miles of her, and granted her exactly 2.5 grandchildren. But that might not be your cup of coffee.

When the world dictates how you should live your life, it can actually become harder to be true to your authentic self. In my last Something Different for Women class, we talked about aligning with the powers that be: Your True Self.

Jennifer Maculoso said: “Success will always find you when are authentic. Follow your bliss and you will always feel joy, and when you feel joy, success finds you.” It sounds like she picked up and cracked open the perfect fortune cookie.

Why do so many of us wear masks to hide our true selves? Everyone is born authentic, but as we grow up we spend too much time separating from who we are, acting like we’re something different. Acting is stressful. (Especially, when you’re bad at it like me.)

Being true to who we are takes time and effort. Here are some things to help you on your way:

• To be authentic means to find the key to happiness and success within one’s self, not within society.
• When you live an authentic life, you are living the life that resonates with your soul! As the saying goes, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
• It takes courage, honesty, and a desire to be free of other’s opinions. I love the line, “What you think of me is none of my business.”
• To be authentic, you have to stop putting other’s needs ahead of your own, and you have to stop compromising your dreams to please others.
• Don’t be such a yenta with your friends, either! Allow them the freedom to chose their own life plan.

This is all great and dandy, but how do we get down to the core of who we really are and stay true to ourselves? Here are questions to ask:

What in life already makes you happy?

What, if added to your life, would make you happier?

Where do you already feel successful?

Does the life you are living resonate with your inner being?

Do you have the courage to live more authentically?

What habits do you need to let go of in order to be more authentic?

At what point, during each day, can you make time to connect with yourself?

Have an authentic moment every day. Whether it is telling your friend what she can do with her opinion of you, or directing your mother to the adopt-a-grandchild in Africa non-profit. Take a stand each day, and you’ll be happier, healthier…and attracting the life that you really want.

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