Thursday, January 28th, 2010
My second-grade teacher always called me “Smiley” because of my constant ear-to-ear grin. The irony is that throughout my life I’ve actually battled a nagging sense of unhappiness—though early on I’d mastered the art of my face never showing it.
Our happiness has to come from inside. No thing or person can make you feel good. I used to run around town thinking, If I take this class I’ll be more successful; or If I can hold on to this man then I’ll be happy; or If I sign up for this program my life will be more interesting.
Not so.
Our forefathers had it all wrong when they wrote, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Pursuing happiness is like chasing the wind (or some unavailable guy). Not gonna happen. If you look for pleasure outside, that high lasts only a short time before you need to chase the next thing.
Here’s how your priorities should be reshuffled:
1. Get yourself happy.
2. Go out into your life and do what you need to do.
Of course, this is a whole lot easier to say than do. How can a person just “be happy”? Here are a few tricks that have helped me:
Get Still Get quiet and in touch with your true self through yoga and meditation. I know, I know; meditation is painful for most people. But after sitting in silence for at least 18 minutes a day, you’ll realize you’re happy for no reason at all. That’s when things come your way, you don’t have to chase opportunities, and you get clear on the right choices to make. It’s a magical therapy! Here are some of my favorite meditation classes in New York.
Lie to Yourself It’s proven that positive thoughts lead to positive results in your life. So fake it until you feel it. Recite thoughts every morning out loud (shower acoustics are the best), and eventually you will start believing them. It takes 21-30 days to create a new habit, so stick with your affirmations through the month. Louise Hay’s I Can Do It CD is a perfect way to begin.
Lose Control Stop trying to fight against everything in your path. If bad news comes your way, let it in without stressing it. New Age sages love to say “What we resists, persists.” Realize you can’t control most things in your life and that you have something to learn from everything coming your way. We learn most from the bad and uncomfortable things in life. So go with the flow of life—it’s a much better ride that way.
January 29th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Great advice Ilana. I need to go meditate with you again. That was so helpful.
January 29th, 2010 at 11:50 am
I agree totally with this philosophy, especially the steps GET STILL, LIE TO YOURSELF and LOSE CONTROL, and I encourage people to follow them. A big lesson I garner from this is that 99.9% of our problems are actually in our head, and most things will work themselves out. Real issues, like a loved one getting cancer, losing a limb or having a kid with a drug problem, for example, will make us yearn for the days we agonized over a rent increase or parking ticket.