Not to be a “Debbie Downer” but a recent study said that by 2020 depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease. Could this be true?

I spoke to Dave the Monk about this at our last coffee date.

As you may remember, Monk Dave is an American who went to Korea after graduating from Cornell. He studied for so long, he eventually became a monk! Now he resides at this Upper West Side Brownstone/Temple where we met while I was checking out meditation spots.

“So, Mr. Monk Dave, why is depression on the rise?” is the first thing that came out of my mouth. (long before, “How are you?” or “Would you like to order some cheese cake?”)

Monk Dave wasn’t shocked by my question at all. He had no interest in ordering baked goods anyways—sugar isn’t his thing. We ordered coffee.

He boiled the answer to my question down to one point: the problem is choice.

“We have way too many choices and freedom today,” he said.

“Wait, isn’t that a good thing?” I asked, more than a little confused.

The problem, he explained, is that because we have so many choices, we don’t stick to any one decision or person. We try one person or route for a while and then change our minds. When you change your mind too quickly, you never experience anything completely or deeply.

“You also never believe in yourself and never gain the confidence that you can do something no matter how hard it gets,” he said.

Monk Dave’s teacher explains that true freedom is not being able to do whatever you want; true freedom is being satisfied with whatever you have got. You feel complete even with everything you don’t have.

I looked down at my half-empty, lukewarm cup of decaf coffee and tried to pretend it was perfect as is. Thirty-seconds later, I motioned to the waitress for a refill.

Monk Dave also shared these reasons for why depression is on the rise today:

• Today, our balance between mind and body is off. Most of us are
stuck behind a computer and rarely work in jobs that connect us to  ourselves. Our bodies do one thing, and our minds are somewhere
else.
• Back in the day, we had more social structure. We grew up, had a
family and worked for their family and society. There were guidelines
to follow. Today, we have few guidelines and less purpose.
• Today, everyone only thinks about “I – Me – My” and forgets 
everyone else. When you give back to society through your work, your life gets better.
• People are attached to outside things, people and events for
 happiness. But all those things change constantly. Find your peace and
 happiness within yourself first.

“So what’s the solution?” I, of course, asked—always looking for the quick fix.

Well, Dave suggested: people A) get married and have kids, B) volunteer or do something for others and/or C) become a Monk, so we create structure and stop focusing only on ourselves.

In other words, we should lead a life with the focus on benefiting others. Therein lies the secret to happiness.

I think I’m going to eliminate the C option, for me personally—just sayin. And then I’m going to start off slow and choose option D), some sugar-free cheese cake.

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