While shopping for a new outfit the other day, I found myself sharing the intimacies of my personal life with a random young woman working at the store. She was helping me pick out an outfit and asked where I planned to wear it. Next thing I knew, we were knee-deep in the details of our dating lives.
Shop Girl was a cute, exotic-looking 20-something from the East Village who, like most women in New York City, told me she never meets good men. "There are no cool guys out there," she said. All her friends are in relationships, but for some reason she can’t meet anyone she likes.
When I dug a little deeper, she added that she finds all the guys who are interested her unattractive. As she told me this, Shop Girl made a stay away gesture with her hands.
I don’t profess to be an expert, nor do I so much as watch Oprah very often. But part of me wants to fix her attitude. So, I told Shop Girl the opposite is true: This city is filled with available, amazing men. Here’s how to find them.
Be Open
Say yes to every NICE guy who asks you out. I recently started going out with all the guys who never interested me a year ago. Last year, they were too short, too boring, and not for me. As soon as I started being open and dating the nice guy, two things happened. One, more men started asking me out; and two, I started noticing the traits I did like in these guys.
Change Your Story
What you see and think is what you get. Everything you tell yourself about your life and who you are is just a story. It’s not real, just your interpretation. The story can change as easily as changing the song on your iPod. Write a new story every day about how men you actually like are flocking to you. E-mail your new story to yourself or a friend every day. Try this for a month and see how life changes for you.
I didn’t walk out of the shop with a new outfit. Turns out, I didn’t need one. I had a closet full of options. Shop Girl had many dating options of her own, too—she just didn’t know it yet.
3 Comments for Shop Girl
Steve | January 6, 2010 at 10:37 am
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Notably if you’re a single, attractive, woman in NYC who’s giving off that “stay away” vibe you’ll more than likely attract the kind of person you don’t want. Attractive dudes who have their act together won’t see you, the general you not the specific, as worth the extra effort when there are so many more approachable women available. On the other hand you may attract a player with some time on his hands and mischief on his mind. Wow, I just made players sound like impish pixies! Anyway, he might stick around just to figure out what makes you tick and play the game.
Open is a great way to go with a smidge of caution and good sense. There are lots of cool, open, guys out there and how else ya’ gonna’ find ‘em?