A friend of mine was feeling down last night about her relationship. Being my normal outspoken self, I broke it all down for her nice and easy. “About face, girlfriend,” I told her, “and move out. I don’t care how big your closet is.”
It’s funny how easy it is to give advice. We see a friend in need or a family member who’s been wronged and we suddenly become Dr. Phil, expounding on appropriate behavior for moving forward into a healthier, happier life space. Yet somehow, when it comes to our own lives these obvious answers become awfully murky.
I blame emotions.
When our emotions aren’t attached to a situation, everything can be solved practically. But once you mix together the heady cocktail of fear, hurt, and—gasp!—love, a situation quickly comes to a boil with no clear off switch.
Don’t get me wrong: Emotions are important. I love that I can cry on cue every time I watch Beaches. Or have my fear of getting hurt protect me from calling Mr. CEO, my third-removed ex.
But emotions are fantasies, too. Everything except this moment is imagination. So when dealing with your own challenges, try to separate fact from fiction. Look at your situation with a practical head.
Here are some tricks to get you there:
• Work out. Spin class is my favorite these days. One hour of cardio-busting is pretty much guaranteed to turn your world around.
• Visualize. Fantasize and picture the perfect scenario in your head for at least 10 minutes a day. What does your life look like when you have everything you want? Then, take a deep breath and know you’re on your way.
• Journal. Research shows getting your thoughts down on paper (or computer) reduces stress and helps to clarify thoughts. I like to write when I wake up in the mornings.
• Wait up. Take the pressure off yourself from making a decision. When in doubt, wait it out.
• Take your herbs. Bupleurum is an herb that releases energy stuck inside the human body. Some people have serious cathartic releases from it!
• Hire your own Dr. Phil. A nonpartisan listener is a treasure. Give yourself the gift of gab and peace of mind after a good session with a coach or therapist. As much as they love you, friends and mothers don’t always have the best advice.
These tasks will put some space between you and your emotions, and that’s where all solutions are hatched! And if all else fails, blast Alicia Key’s “No One” and go dancing in your apartment. Always works like a charm for me!
