Sunday, February 7th, 2010
Step one: Love yourself.
Step two: Refer to step one.
I used to hate it when I heard people expound on that old adage, You can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself. What exactly does that mean? How do you consciously love yourself? Sure, I can sit in front of the mirror and blow kisses. I can put my arms around myself and squeeze.
I’ve tried it. I don’t think it works.
So how about this little twist on that old adage? No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. I started thinking about the men I’ve dated, many of whom left much to be desired on the whole “love-giving” front. So maybe I do need figure out how to love myself more.
The research has begun. Here’s what I’ve come up with.
• Watch Your Thoughts Ever notice your crazy thoughts? Try keeping a list throughout the day of every negative thought you have about yourself. My list was a mile long when I started this daily exercise; including the idea African-American men only ever talk to me because of my bum. Actually, that one may be true. But really, monitor your thoughts. They run a direct line from your brain to behavior.
• Make a List Jot down the qualities you like about yourself each morning. Nothing is too tiny! Make note of your smile, your laugh, that voracious need you have to read my blog… Email this list each day to a friend and have him or her send your theirs.
• Make “Me” Time Treat yourself to at least one hour a day of pampering. I usually spend my hour blasting chick rock while journaling and practicing a little bedroom karaoke. Hey—no one said you can’t multi-pamper.
I’ll tell you something: These techniques are working. I’ve definitely noticed an increased ability on my part to attract some good-loving people into my life.
Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I say, “Give yourself the love you want to see.” You’ve got nothing to lose, except those annoying kissy faces in front of the mirror.
February 8th, 2010 at 8:01 am
Absolutely true. When you love yourself, you won’t stay in toxic relationships with friends or lovers… and life is a whole lot more enjoyable.
February 8th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
How about this one:
If you want to be with people who are most capable of loving you, only spend time with people who show the signs that they love themselves. Making those observations and letting them guide your decisions (especially about romantic relationships) is part and parcel of “loving yourself.”
February 10th, 2010 at 8:31 am
This is a really good topic!
No other person can ever love you as much or more than you love yourself. If we can barely grasp what our own frequently shifting desires and motives are then how can anyone else? It’s up to each of us to get our own satisfaction and needing someone, who’s on the same mission, to deliver it isn’t fair to them and is the course to failure. True love and happiness comes from within and you can’t give what you don’t have. There is no love credit card.
“If you want something to change, change it yourself.” Andy Wahrhol
To your list I would add, make time to reflect on what it is you want from life. Then ask yourself, what does it do for me? Life is a string of experiences. Do you want empty ones?
Secondly, and along the same line as “the old adage”, you must be useful to yourself before you can be useful to others. There are far too many severely broken people latching onto others just so they can defocus from their own problems. That’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
You will attract like minded people partly because it’s such an interesting adventure you’ll talk about it and like minded folks will join the discussion will want to join in. See this and other comments.
Plus, who doesn’t like a happy face?
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:02 pm
bless you, neat content